COMMENTARY: For Airmen, moms still know best Published April 29, 2010 By Col. Stan Sheley Commander, 419th Maintenance Group HILL AIR FORCE BASE, UTAH -- Many people think their mother is the greatest. Fortunately, for me, it goes beyond belief--it is fact. My mother is the greatest person I have ever met. She combines dignity, selflessness, humor, and character into a package that puts me, and everyone else I have ever met, to shame. The only thing she can't do is sing. I have severe hearing loss in my left ear in large part due to suffering through all four verses of multiple hymns every Sunday for 18 years. Singing ability aside, I am who I am today because of the lessons my mother so graciously passed on to me--not through some formal educational process, but by setting an example every day. Dignity is something all too often overlooked when measuring a person's contributions in life. Dignity has nothing to do with social status or appearance; it grows from a willingness to accept everyone's innate right to respect. Growing up in a small Midwestern town, it was easy to fall prey to a less than tolerant attitude towards things outside the "accepted" part of everyday life. My mom showed me that everyone deserved to be treated in a dignified manner. Differences, particularly those that go against our core beliefs, are inherently intense and emotional. But as Airmen (and decent human beings) we can never lose focus of the need to show compassion and tolerance toward our fellow man. Selflessness is all about working hard and getting your priorities straight, and despite the proclamations of various self-help gurus, an Airman's number-one priority should not be himself. My mother took care of herself physically, mentally and spiritually, but her true priority was always her family, friends and anyone who needed help. The nursing home where my grandmother lived the last 10 years of her life was a three-hour drive one way. My mom dutifully drove to the nursing home once a week for 10 years, because she put her loved ones' needs in front of her own. It isn't always easy to do the right thing, but we need to selflessly focus attention away from ourselves and put it where it really counts: our family, our friends, our fellow Airmen, and those in need. Growing up, I constantly tested the old saying "you love your kids no matter what." In fact, as I got older, my mom developed a slogan of her own: "My son is a moron." [Note: She never actually said it, but I could read it in her eyes.] To combat the antics of three overly energetic boys (lighting the garage on fire, spraying the garden hose inside the house, dumping a can of black paint on my little brother's head), my mom had a great sense of humor. Specifically, she knew how to use targeted humor to send a message loud and clear. In my case, I had a bit of an ego problem. Whether it was beating me in a foot race (and then good-naturedly ribbing me about it) or conveniently finding her old report cards to "compare" after I bragged about making the Dean's list, she found ways to present things in a humorous manner and at the same time keep me in check. We need to do the same thing and use humor to our advantage. Not everyone has a good sense of humor and people don't always find the same things funny. However, lightening the mood (at the appropriate time) is never a bad thing, and at the same time, we can send a helpful message without coming across as Attila the Hun. Character isn't just about what you do at work or the good deeds you do in your community. Character is an all-encompassing trait that defines who you are. My mom strived to do the right things, not because of a set of rules, but rather because they were the right thing to do. Back in the days when people used cash to pay for things, it was commonplace to get the wrong amount of change. Every time she got too much change from a purchase, she would immediately return the money (as her three sons rolled their eyes because their ice cream money had just disappeared). Once while on vacation, to the dismay of my impatient father, she made everyone turn around and drive back to a campground because she had forgotten to put money in a courtesy drop box at the exit of a state park. But tests of character aren't limited to financial transactions. Character can be as simple as military members wearing their hats when they are outside. Sure, the car is only 30 feet away, but wearing your hat to the car is the right thing to do. For leaders, character can also be as tough as taking disciplinary action against someone you really like. You may very well be risking a friendship, but doing the right thing doesn't always mean doing the popular thing. With Mother's Day coming up, we need to reflect on the good things our mothers passed along to us. Many of those lessons can be used daily in our service for this nation. As stated previously, I think my mother was the greatest of all time and I am sure many of you feel the same way. Don't let another year go by without telling them how much you appreciate everything they did for you. We are who we are because of the efforts of our mothers. Of course, in my case that means I can't sing at all, but no one is perfect.